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What's In A Name...?

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...Other than a follow perhaps? I have changed my blog back to it's old name as I felt there was too much noise surrounding the new name. It was getting lost. Please follow here!

Thanks
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Lost...


I have finally calmed down. Losing all of my pictures after only just getting my camera working seemed, during my moment of high drama yesterday, like some sort of sick joke. I wailed like a child. Anyone that knows me will testify that crying is not really my thing, it's not what I do. But yesterday I sat on my bed, held my laptop, stared at the "no images found" message for the 100th time and cried like I had actually lost the people contained within those shots. How could such a thing happen to me? What had I done to deserve that. The humour of losing the shots I'd just taken, shots that had taken around an hour to pose, was lost on me. And losing shots like this...



 ...a perfect moment of playfulness and defiance? Not even slightly funny. "So why didn't you back them up?", chorused all the smug, smart arsed, obvious people. I did. I did back them up. Everyone has that one area where they seem to be jinxed. Mine is electrical equipment. I can work it just fine, better than just fine in fact. I'm a graduate in the school of thought that manuals are for wimps. I dive straight in, making laptops, phones and all their gadget mates my hardwired bitches. Take that Quick Start Guide! Suck on these you overly long manual in languages I don't understand. I'm in charge and today you are nought but my gadgety minions. But inevitably it all goes wrong. I don't suddenly forget how to use them or anything. They strangely just...stop working. Perfectly good bits of technology, well within their guarantee period, just refusing to even turn on. If the rise of the machines came about it would start in my house. A couple of weeks before my camera got wiped I turned on my laptop and saw the Blue Screen of Death. I lost it all. And I do mean I lost it ALL because a couple of weeks before that I plugged in my external hard drive only to see a message that may as well have just said "Fuck off, you bore me!". So when the camera got wiped, when last line of defence fell to the machines inexplicable rise to domination, I cried. Like a bitch. Mainly, because of him...


My nephew. I took these pictures at least a year ago. Or possibly almost exactly a year. I seem to remember him blowing out candles. I thought these were lost forever and I can't find the words to describe how angry that made me. I mean, look at that cheeky face. I don't think anyone can understand how much I cried.


How can you not shed a tear for that pose? A child clearly in a hurry to play on what I think was a brand new bike, but still finding the time to stop and give me a smile.


I wont lie, I think he's looking at sweets here. You don't think he just posed for the hell of it do you? Please, he's far too busy riding bikes for all these picture taking shenanigans!

So how did I get the pictures back? Well I was telling someone all about my lost weekend and he said the magic word, Facebook. Now, I deactivated my Facebook a couple of months back. Did you ever watch that film "A Series Of Unfortunate Events"? This is starting to sound a bit like that isn't it? Well it's not all bad because the ever wise, all knowing Facebook don't make it easy to find that delete button. So, though the countless status updates of "I can't believe you did that and NO this isn't about YOU" had driven me away, it was easy enough to come back. I simply logged in again and, Voila, there he was. Along with a couple of other cuties I'd banished...


Another happy birthday boy


A puppy that grew into a much loved dog. A dog that had to be re-homed because the new landlord wouldn't accept her..


The cake I made that was so delicious looking it makes me question why I'm fasting today.

There they all were. I saved every single one to my computer then DELETED my Facebook. I live on the edge like that. There were countless images I lost, loads that I had taken after I deactivated Facebook. My trip to Spain, the snow outside my old house and countless pictures of cakes, cookies, chocolates and other tasty things. All gone. But, if I'm honest, I managed to salvage the best ones. I mean, I can and will bake more cakes and you can be damn sure I'll be taking pictures of them. But I bruised my ankles jumping in front of a speeding child on a three wheel for this shot.


I'm not doing that again any time soon...
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A Wise Man Once Said...

I've been online looking for inspiration tonight. I've been very tired and sluggish and while I have come up with a few things none of them were really what I was looking for. I began to get frustrated. So I decided to remove myself from the situation for a while and spend some time on YouTube. I subscribe to a few channels about food, fashion, hair, make up, exercise and various other things so I felt sure I would find something in all of that to help me unwind.

Now for those of you that don't know Google owns Youtube. They also own Blogger and Gmail. I have all of these things but somehow, don't ask me how, somehow I managed to sign up for Blogger, Gmail and Google itself with one email address and Youtbe with another. Well, not so much with another as with two different email addresses. So I have two accounts. But my main account, the one where I am subscribed to most of my channels, is different from all the others. Google also does automatic sign in. So you sign in to one of your Google apps and you're signed into the rest. Now for anyone that's still following (or vaguely interested!) this meant that when I went on to Youtube I was in the wrong channel, the one that had no subscriptions. No Problem. I signed out and signed into the correct account and spent a lovely couple of hours relaxing and enjoying some videos.

Finally I felt like I could try writing something again. I decided to come back on to Blogger. Only I wasn't signed in to this account anymore. I wasn't signed out either. I was signed into an old account, an old blog no less, I had forgotten even existed. Its the strangest feeling when you find something you'd forgotten about, when you experience words you'd completely forgotten you said. It's the strangest feeling when you look back on things you said and don't even recognise the person that said them. The blog only had two posts and dated all the way back to May 2009. My first foray into blogging. When I think of how much has happened since I started that blog my head spins. And when I think of how little progress I've made...my heart breaks. Especially considering the nature of the Blog. It was meant to track the progress of, what I hoped, was a new phase in my life. It's full of positivity and hope and plans and, whilst I don't remember every detail of who I was or whet I felt when I wrote it, the determination is clearly there.

Below is part of one of only two published posts on the entire blog.

"I've decided that this Blog will be a window into everything good and bad about my life. Once i've sorted through it all I plan on taking the good parts and making something more of them. My goal is to go away. T o see the world...or at least a very small part of it for at least 3 months.
So here goes.

Wish me luck"


I never did it. Granted, I had some issues arise, but still. It seems such a shame, feels like I let that person down. So since I didn't travel the world, did I fail?

The great man



Somebody tweeted a quote by Bruce Lee earlier this evening and I feel like it fits beautifully with this post.

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”

How may of us have started something only to give up and forget all about it? This comforts me, It gives me back my hope and lets me keep trying. The very fact that I didn't recognise either the blog or the post shows how much I've changed. And that's clearly what I was looking for in the post.

Though it never pays to dwell or regret, sometimes it does pay to stop and look back. Think about all the plans you made and goals you set. Think about all the projects you started and never finished. Think about where you thought you'd be right now. Are you there? And if not do you care? Sometimes when the world throws us off track it sets us on a much harder path. This, upon first inspection, seems to suck! Not only do you not know where you're going, getting to this unknown destination is hard!! This is when you need to adjust your aim, you need to shift your focus and push through and just keeping trying. You never know. Maybe, like me, you'll go full circle. You'll end up with a blog that isn't about trying to be positive. It's about spreading positivity.